Mascot brawl picks highlight Jolly Green Giant and Kool‑Aid Man
Jolly Green Giant as my personal bodyguard Mr. Peanut's vast wealth to maintain control of the Burger King and his state power, plus Little Caesar's legions
Charles Louis Richter148By the first sunset, we will have Chester Cheetah, Charles Cheese, and the so-called Colonel in chains. Their public execution will dissuade several of the others from challenging the new order. Terrorist resistance will be expected from the Noid and Kool-Aid Man, but it will be short-lived.
&y25Now I see the violence inherent in the system.
Cliff W. Gilmore15I note Tucan, Big Yellow, the Rabbit, Count Chocula, the Captain, etc. aren’t there. Must be a cereal killer on the loose.
DGM6None of these rebels, legionnaires, giants, and kings considered the real price of the war, their thirst for power unquenchable, their taste for blood insatiable, their blindness incurable. But seeds of vengeance sown sprout for generations. Pillsbury remembers.
brian3You’re sleeping on Kool Aid Man and wall crushing ability
Jennifer W. Hanson2I need to know what Red Robin was doing during the War.
Kingfisher & Wombat244This is why social media exists.
Kevin Elliott197The thread is better than this joke—read & enjoy it all, I implore you—but I will offer it nonetheless
April3There were 4 commercials for KFC popcorn chicken prior to The Odyssey. The Colonel deserves everything he got.
Next door in Silicon Valley3This 🧵 is quite the work of fiction
Rob Burgess2The top post is probably the correct answer. (Though I am frightened of the Burger King.) The thread below it is hilarious, though.
Mike Williams2Holy shit. We all got it wrong. So very wrong
Jolly Green Giant, end of list. "But he's a peaceful vegetarian" See that right there is how he gets you. The Jolly Green Giant is the corporeal manifestation of early 20th century California agriculture. That nice young man has a BODY 👏 COUNT 👏 FOR 👏 DAYS 👏
weaselproof5Also the majority of the most deadly macrofauna on earth fall into the "large vegetarian" category. Hippos, cape buffalos, etc
Chris Miller4so does Kool-Aid. (too soon? also technically untrue, it was another brand.)
Jared Quinert4I've seen Kool-Aid man smash through those walls, I want him on my side as well.
Mike Snow3Chef Boiardi could probably throw hands. Most line cooks can.
Deb2In all the ways. Yes.
Kelly YN 🦀🏳️⚧️2And a good morning to you! 😂 *hides from cereal box, gets back into bed*
kool aid man for sure. jack. gotta go with the Noid because that mfer is crazy. and probably the jolly green giant just to cover airspace
alexis simpson13mr peanut has that 'i hunt people for sport on my private island" energy. so bro has resources, but can NOT be trusted. Jack is the trustworthy version
Greg the Miller6have to point out that little cesar is the only one with a weapon
Jeff Jefferson2Gotta take either Caesar or the Colonel, get some military leadership to run things
Nate's Myth1I'm betting the Pillsbury dough boy is actually a total psychopath
rufus1the honorable col sanders has to be there kinda gotta go jack and ronald and that creepy as king? LFG
Peter Collinson1Kool Aid Man, 100%. He can smash through walls to pursue enemies, his pitcher is also a mace, and you know the red liquid is probably an extremely potent corrosive, probably sulfuric acid. Very handy for disabling enemies and dissolving corpses. Burger King has Patrick Bateman vibes. Hilarious.
For the record: Jolly Green Giant for strength Jack in the Box to inflict fear in my enemies Chester Cheeto because he has nothing left to lose Mr. Peanut because he's a master tactician
Shaun T1Being a tactician won't save you from the noid.....
Runtripfall69 🏳️⚧️🐰♀️1But in this scenario does it mean Chef Boyardee, Colonel Sanders, and whichever Ronald McDonald that is are resurrected? If it's a perfect resurrection I think I would have to pick them and the Jolly Green Giant to not be a murderer. Cause I will step on Poppin' Fresh in a heart beat.
Clockwork Banana 🧡Team Comedy1Jolly Green Giant for strength when the Kool Aid Man is right there! /teasing
Clean Observer1I bet the Colonel is packing heat tho.
The ones I would at least like to fight are the Kool-Aid Man, Chester Cheetah, and The Noid, so those are the ones I’m gonna pick for my team. My final pick is the Pillsbury Doughboy because it would break my heart to have to off him.
Mar Hicks24We’re picking off that smug ass owl first. Count these licks🍭
Dag.2Jolly Green giant seems like a good pick, but they are a giant. Attacking us is like us attacking a mouse hand to hand.
PaulyMac 🇨🇦1You need the Green Giant. He's a giant.
Dr. Alexis Turner1Chuck E Cheese has real Chuckie energy, Jack in the Box reminds me of American Psycho, and Pennywise channels Ronald McDonald for his evil powers. I would like to not fight any of those, so I choose them for my team along with Kool-Aid Man.
Not sure who I’m picking to protect me, but I know I’m picking the Jolly Green Giant for, uh, personal use.
SiperlyWhenWet ™1How? How??? What are you two going to possibly do together???? One night together and you’re ruined. I think. I don’t really know you. Hehe
Elise Crane Derby1Pretty sure all these brands ARE likely to kill you with the exception of the Green giant, unless they started watering with fracking water....
Little Caesar is armed, no wall can stop the Kool Aid Man, the Jolly Green Giant is jolly green ripped and probably wrestles, and Chef Boyardee because I trust chefs with knives
DerpsWithWolves 🐍3Sleeper hit though: The Pillsbury Doughboy. He's a General Mills property, who are not just a food company - they have an aerospace and engineering division that's previously worked with the USN Office of Naval Research. If anyone has a team of black book contractors on call, it's the doughboy.
Veronica 🏳️⚧️1It's good that you avoided the Noid(ed)
TRANNY ▶ FOR YOU ◀1I choose four Kool-Aid Men.
We're already down to 6. We need to make two cuts. Jolly Green Giant and Big Boy feel like locks for size. The Noid is an X-factor i do not want to face on the battlefield. So we've got three left and one pick to make. Do we go Kool Aid Man, Burger King, or Caesar?
Jeff Stormer8Of the three, I think Burger King is poorly suited for the kind of offensive we're mounting. Easy cut. So, Caesar or Kool Aid Man. LC is used to fighting giants (Laestrygonians). KAM is used to pushing through defensive walls. I think Caesars experience fighting monsters gives us the edge.
Cannibalpotato1Kool Aid nan gives juggernaut vibes. I'm going with him
Action Shakespeare 🐙🤤1The King. Noid will take care of any pizza. The giants can drink the kool-aid.
