Report links Red Lobster’s endless‑shrimp saga to talks about Greenland seafood

Pwnallthethings259

invading greenland so china is never able to develop red lobster technology

25,098 words (I'm back writing!)209

I’m reminded of the time the staff ecologist for McDonald’s (yep) told me they decided not to do a shrimp sandwich because they would fish the world’s oceans clean of all shrimp in 3 years.

Finding Facility97

Red Lobster was a victim of private equity enshitification. Anything good people like could be more profitably efficient for shareholders, in this case by making the restaurants pay rent they can't afford. I wish anyone in charge of anything had to know, or be correct about, anything whatsoever.

poster73

I waited tables one time in my life, but it was a fall at Red Lobster, which meant endless shrimp, and that was my Vietnam. I sent people home with blood scampi levels approaching 0.2%

Cadence “Known Sewage Gremlin” Andrysiak38

I… You know, I legitimately believe this, lmao

CatFrat36

Yeah, I had to look up the article because I was 95% convinced that *we need Greenland to bring back Red Lobster endless shrimp* was an obvious joke

suncloudswe.bsky.social25

The one thing that never ceases to surprise me is how utterly dumb the imperialist oligarchy is. Like ending NATO over lobster buffets?

ESC Riley 🏳️‍🌈24

No, no, THIS. THIS is the dumbest thing I will ever hear in my life

Municipal Fox23

“Chinese emperor about to lose the Mandate of Heaven” type behavior

Dave Fortin21

And yet we keep screwing Gulf Coast shrimpers by fouling their waters with oil. Here’s are real shrimp from Mobile Bay:

A_M_F15

This is bullshit, we should be trying to revive the Sizzler

Acornloaf12

But the shrimp comes from Vietnam!!!

Jusqu'ici tout va bien 🇨🇦🇨🇵10

So the plan was to starve out the Greenlandic people? Great stuff.

Daniel Lenski10

It sounds like there are exactly two dudes in Greenland who are into the whole US annexation thing. This one reminds me of some other Trump supporters… there's a certain je ne sais quoi about him… see if you can put your finger on it 🤔

Occam’s Shaving Cream II10

This is just a veiled attempt to ensure that panda express doesn’t get rid of their three proteins and a side for $9.99

Octopus9

Notable that the US poisoned the Gulf of Mexico shrimp fisheries with several of the worst oil spills in human history recently.

The Return of Sexy Boy9

Does Greenland have Cheddar Bay biscuit tho?

Matthew Downhour 8

When you eschew free trade for ideological reading you start asking absurd things like ‘how do we secure our shrimp supply

economymedicine.bsky.social7

This is all Beyonce's fault by gatekeeping Red Lobster

The Crusader Project6

Sure it sounds crazy but it’s not the most insane reasoning in the Trump regime.

Brainmist6

Every time I think this timeline can't possibly get any stupider, Republicans reveal a while new depth to the stupid.

TitaniumMan5

Besides the utter stupidity of taking Greenland to keep shrimp away from China and to supply it instead to Red Lobster... China is an EXPORTER of shrimp.

robust soldier crab ball gate5

glonzo is frozen in the arctic circle after eating all the shrimps!!! we gotta break him out to find the shrimp queen and bring em back

Idiokratie4

Unrelated Lauder family thread bsky.app/profile/idio...

historynerd62.bsky.social4

If there aren't plans to bring back Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips you can count me out.

Li3um4

Is it weird that I don’t think he’s revealing anything, that this is a MAGA Trump official trolling a New Yorker reporter. Like he told the group chat after this, “Guess what I told that cuck New Yorker writer? He actually believes the Red Lobster shit haha!”

Xeynon4

Today in "things Mike Judge rejected as too outlandish to be bits in Idiocracy that are really happening with the Trump administration".

Coba Weel4

I’m tellin ya, Strike Up the Band would be a very topical thing for somebody to actually perform one of these days. bsky.app/profile/weel...

Handgun Yoga 🇺🇦🇬🇱🇩🇰🇺🇸4

Shrimp is now cheaper per pound than beef. Why eradicate screwworm when you can invade Greenland?

stunchard "large stunch" műnglooner (pubic figure)4

you laugh now but when they take away unlimited breadsticks at the Olive Garden you can thank ms meloni for forcing our child emperor to bomb the fine Italian bakery barges on their trade route to the only franchise left in America where you are family simply upon entering the restaurant property

kbethany.bsky.social3

And I realize this isn’t the point but Red Lobster stopped the all you can eat shrimp because they were purchased by Private Equity who literally sold their bldgs out from under them, forcing them to pay exorbitant rents. It had nothing to do with the market cost of shrimp!

Cardassian Sauna3

This a Metal Gear level plot twist: Solidus Snake: Owning Greenland was never the REAL objective, it was all you can eat shrimp... AT RED LOBSTER

Jason S3

But you know unlimited shrimp came back since then so we didn't have to try to invade Greenland anyway. Genius stuff.

yum yum yum3

Everyone seems to assume that delicious arthropods will never fight back, that they have no weapons, that they have no contingency plans

Ches - STANLEY CUP CHAMPS!!!!!!3

To be fair, American empire has done even worse for cheap bananas

Bartholomew Collins3

ok I support it now

Gwen3

History does indeed rhyme, think of United Fruit.

Ham Roids3

I think this world is too stupid to live in. I'm on Stupid Death Row just waiting for the clownshit to end

Frank Ballinger2

He also wants to cap the price of repairs to your exhaust system on your automobile and bring back the American ideal: "We're not gonna pay a lot for this muffler!"

Stork2

Unless I misunderstand, this kind of vertical integration is exactly how they achieved their most recent state of "bankrupt," which ended (let's call it) AYCES. They'd been bought by a fish company previously.

nomentantum.bsky.social2

They 86’d the shrimp. Am I allowed to say that?

Christo Silvia2

What's next, invading Canadian wheat producing provinces to bring back the $5 foot long?

Dara Moskowitz Grumdahl2

where do they think shrimp come from. shrimp are tropical. they do not come from Iceland. these idiots.

Numbcat92

Boy it sure doesn’t sound like dementia to start a massive international incident over something a child would miss *so much*, like an unlimited shrimp promotion at red lobster.

Daniel Lenski2

Walter Sobchak was right, man.

Mark Anderson2

Excuse me for a moment, I need to walk into the sea.

ofthesea.bsky.social2

Also funny bc that hits a nerve in nato. Fisheries trading was one of the hardest/last to negotiate in brexit

Gabriel S. Jacobs2

"symbiotic" is a great way to describe that if your only knowledge of the word comes from this guy

deanna2

I am still screaming this is why you DO NOT elect businessmen to LEAD government EVER. They see dollars made, not any other longer strategy but working w/& MAKING $$, all other values be damned. That we are this pathetic shouldn't surprise anyone who noticed the message change from DEFENSE TO WAR.

Joseph Cappadonia2

Is Red Lobster even a y good. Only been there once when I was 14 and I had a fish fry.

Shola Hoon7

Endless Shrimp is back baby, even if for a Limited Time™️

robertholzer.bsky.social5

Trump does Greenland invasion talk the right way by Ezra Klein

Señor Juanton4

Most people we spoke with thought the rationale of getting endless supply of seafood for Red Lobster is the height on insanity; but Cheddar Bay biscuit enthusiasts at a Toms River Red Lobster are not so sure

Monde Boeuf3

"War with NATO could be averted if Red Lobster's effort to stave off bankruptcy fails" was on nobody's Bingo card.

David Stone9

It sounds like we've lost the cops, the military, and the National Guard; of course, ICE is Trump's SS. I wonder if the latter will concentrate on blue/swing states during the midterms.

True Blue9

Dear The Rest of the World - please don't come here. It's as bad as you think it is.

DMin8

Trump didn't have the authority to deploy the national guard on January 6th to protect Senators, Congressional Members and his Vice President, but he had the authority to deploy the National Guard to protect his vanity project.

Honesty4

Back to Greenland, really? Give it a rest 47 smh

Not Your Liberal2

Trump seeks Greenland to what?! When the hell does the 25th amendment come into play? Also remember when everyone was worried about Biden but now the president is sleeping during meetings and whatever the hell this is. If you had a family member acting like this you would put them in a home.

Lizard4

Replace Red Lobster with Red, White, and Blue Lobster?

💐 weepscreed 💕2

Better dead than red (lobster)

nathantuck.bsky.social2

AT LEAST THERE WOULD BE A STRATEGIC OBJECTIVE!

Wade Means2

Chinese access to Cheddar Bay Biscuits cannot be allowed.

Quatrain Gleam2

Wut? So private equity can destroy it a second time?

Sensitive Fifa7

Have we tried buying the shrimp from them or is an invasion the only way we can get some delicious shrimp? How do other countries get shrimp?

Outside context problem4

we've got ourselves a new lobster war!

Captain Tom2

I can't even tell if this is satire or not. I am tired.

Will Kaufman2

Okay, but there are fewer than 500 Red Lobsters left. Who do we have to invade to secure unlimited Red Lobsters?